my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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