I accidentally burped into my bong.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
