why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
