in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
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But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
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I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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