Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
