So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
