Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
