Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
