Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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