I wanna passion pit in your ass
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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