I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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