I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Randomize
