he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
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I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He better not be in your backpack
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
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When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
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