yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
