I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
