You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
