dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
