ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
