We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize