I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
