Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
