I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
