do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Randomize
