So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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