I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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