I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
wanna go halves on a baby?
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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