So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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