Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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