During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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