i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
