That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
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Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
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MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
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