You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
