before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
