Already got asked if we're dating
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
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The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
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I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize