her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
