My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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