you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Randomize
