why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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