his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize