she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
