my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
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I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
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Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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