so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
