Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Randomize
