when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
