Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
