Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Randomize
