I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
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After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
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When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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