I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
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