would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
