Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
