WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
